After Meditation

Posted on Mon Mar 18th, 2024 @ 4:01am by Lieutenant JG Jason Williams III & Lieutenant JG T'lenn

2,555 words; about a 13 minute read

Mission: The Menagerie: side stories & mischief making
Location: Jason's Quarters
Timeline: MD 3, 1830 hours

As the holodeck doors closed behind them, T'lenn reminded Jason. "Meditation is like any exercise. To see it's benefits you must practice it regularly. I would encourage you to do so in your own time in addition to our sessions."

Jason nodded as he replied. "I will. And thank you again, T'lenn. When would you like our next session to take place?"

T'lenn took a step, looking back indicating that Jason should walk with her. "How often would you like to meet?" She asked. "Based on your difficulties today, I would recommend starting with guided meditation at least three times a week, if not all with me, then possibly a holoprogram or someone else practiced in the exercise."

Quickly falling into step with T'lenn, Jason replied. "I would like to proceed as you suggest, three sessions a week. And, so long as you wish to continue, I'd be more comfortable with you guiding me." They entered the nearest turbolift, and after T'lenn gave her desired deck number, he asked, "T'lenn? About that kiss..."

"I do not know what you are referring to," T'lenn answered, giving Jason a sideways glance.

That made Jason gawk slightly. "C'mon, I know it was sudden and surprising, but don't tell me it was forgettable!" He calmed some and shook his head. "I still want to thank you for the way you handled it. I have zero doubt that you could have dropped me hard if you wanted to." His brows furrowed slightly. "Why...why didn't you?"

T'lenn turned to face him. "Do you believe that would have been a logical response?" She asked.

Jason opened his mouth to answer, then stopped. He was silent for several beats as he wrapped his brain around the whole situation. "No, to do so would've been an emotional response."

"The end result would bring you no closer to your desire to move beyond the grief that you described yesterday evening," T'lenn added, "It became clear, early in our session, that you are impulsive, and let irrational emotions take control of your actions and your well-being - even more so than most humans that I have worked with. Perhaps it is a trait of those who choose your profession. Regardless, you do not need to embrace the full philosophy of Surak to benefit from training your mind to choose logic over emotion and to suppress overwhelming emotions when to not do so would be detrimental."

Jason nodded as he listened. She did have a valid observation about him. As a Starfighter jock, he was brash at times, cocky at others. It was all part of the attitude that most fighter pilots shared. There were a few, like N'vok, who had never seemed to take part in the bravado of their chosen field. "Perhaps that was why N'vok was so good at what he did. His focus was near absolute."

"Perhaps," T'lenn agreed. "Surak's teachings are not only about logical solutions, and suppression of emotions so that logic may dictate our decisions. One the purposes in following his methods is to obtain complete control over one's mind, thoughts, and actions. If he was a successful follower, I am certain it would have manifested in his job performance."

Jason nodded as he listened, then had a thought. "While i am by no means criticizing Surak and his teachings, there is more to life than just pure logic. Take, for instance, artwork. Why certainly logic does have a hand in its creation, emotion still takes a huge part of it. If it didn't, then it all would be exactly the same, regardless who crafted it." He paused for a beat, then asked, "Would you accompany me to my quarters? I want to demonstrate my point. I give you my word that I will be a gentleman while you are there."

"I will view what it is that you have to demonstrate," T'lenn agreed. "If you are not - how you say - 'a gentleman' - as you mentioned, I do have means of rendering you temporarily incapacitated."

Jason nodded respectfully. He then told the computer their new destination and, moments later, were at the door to his cabin. Once the door opened, he stepped aside, and welcomed T'lenn to enter first. "Please."

T'lenn walked into Jason's quarters, which were kept immaculately clean, with various military momentos, awards, and images on display. She also observed an easel that had been covered with a cloth. T'lenn maintained a formal posture as she entered Jason's quarters - out of respected for his personal space.

"Thank you for permitting me entry into your home. I shall treat it with respect," T'lenn stated as she waited for further instruction from Jason.

Jason nodded his head politely in response as he stepped inside after T'lenn, the doors sliding shut behind him. He moved over to the sitting area, and indicated the couch. "Please, make yourself comfortable. Would you care for some tea or other refreshment?"

"I do not require sustenance at this ti--" T'lenn paused and considered Jason's request. "Is it polite company that I should accept your offer?" She inquired.

Jason nodded slightly, then replied. "It depends. As you are a guest in my home, it would be rude of me not to offer you something. As it is the first time you are in my home, some would consider it rude to completely refuse my offer. I, however, was raised to always accept an offer of refreshment from a host. Of course, you don't have to drink the tea that I give you, to fulfill the social contract between host and guest."

"Then tea would be agreeable," T'shir accepted. She then took a seat at once of the places that was offered waited for Jason's return.

Jason dipped his head, a small smile on his face. He then turned away and moved to his small kitchenette. After getting the tea pot going, he called over his shoulder, "Do you have a preference as to tea flavor?"

T'lenn stood up. "I assumed you would be ordering from the replicator."

Looking back, he grinned knowingly. "Proper tea is never replicated, my dear." He then indicated her seat. "Go ahead, it'll be ready in a few moments. You still didn't tell me which flavor you prefer."

"Either a green or red leaf tea, if you have it," T'lenn responded, still not taking her seat, watching Jason's movements. "You did want to show me something?
T'lenn confirmed. "I assume it is not your tea kettle."

"Red leaf it is," he replied with a grin. Once everything was ready, he put everything on a tray and carried it over to the small coffee table by where T'lenn was standing. "Would you please, sit down," he said again with a slightly exasperated grin. "And no, it wasn't my tea kettle." He then poured tea into two small cups, handing one to T'lenn first, then lifted his in a toast, as he spoke in slightly accented Vulcan, "Tor uzh katravahsu heh uzh veshtau."

T'lenn obediently sat down as Jason poured their tea. She took her cup from Jason with a deferential nod.

"To new friends and new experiences," T'lenn repeated back in Standard. "The Vulcan language can be difficult to enunciate for those who were not taught to speak it from a very young age."

He smiled and nodded after taking a sip of his tea. "My parents felt it important that I learn as many languages as possible, in case I was ever in a situation where the universal translator was inoperable."

"Did you want to show me something?" T'lenn asked. She was perplexed by the many human traditions that seemed to be nothing more than an inefficient use of time. While tea was often used in Vulcan ceremonial practices, if the purpose of a visit was to show a visitor a book or an artifact then protocol would be to move directly to the purpose of the visit.

Nodding his head, Jason replied. "Yes. I wanted to show you how emotion is as important as logic." He grabbed a PADD and handed it to her. "Now, ask the computer to sketch and image of your face, but don't show me the image yet." He moved over to his basket and grabbed a large sketchbook and a pencil. He then moved to sit across from T'lenn and said, "sit comfortably, and try not to move."

T'shir pressed her thumb against a sensor on the PADD and spoke, "Computer, draw an image of my face, Lieutenant Junior Grade T'lenn." T'lenn watched as the digital image was created on the PADD in just a few seconds.

Grinning softly, Jason lifted the sketchbook and turned to a blank page. He then started to draw T'lenn's face. He worked for nearly an hour, drawing what he saw, until finally, "Finished." Standing up, he moved to sit next to T'lenn on the couch. "Okay," he began, nodding to the PADD that T'lenn was holding. "Let's see what the computer, using only logic, drew."

T'lenn waited patiently at first while Jason drew. Then realizing it would likely take him some time to complete she began to run silently run through daily meditations in the silence. When he announced that he was finished it broke the silence marked only by the faint sounds of occasionally made by certain techniques, the pencil or his hands against the page.

T'lenn turned over the PADD which had on it and accurate representation of her face - near photographic quality, though the computer had given it touches to make it look drawn rather than taken by an imager.

"And what have you created?" T'lenn asked.

Jason, grinned softly, then handed over the sketchbook. While, like the computer, he drawn her realistically, his lines and shading were much softer, almost giving T'lenn an angelic quality. "As you can see, the computer, with its pure logic, simply drew you. While it is a good image of you, there is almost a coldness to it. Whereas mine, I drew with both my logic and my emotion, giving you image life of its own. I drew you, as I see you., even with my implants."

T'lenn raised her eyebrows as she took in the picture. "You are a talented artist," she stated, complimenting his work. "But, I am not well versed in human emotions," she admitted. "There is something... more more to your depiction. But I would not be able to describe it from an emotional reference."

"Even Vulcans possess emotions," Jason retorted gently. "Using those, please describe how the image makes you feel. And before you do, please know, there is no right or wrong answer. Art is very subjective. What a painting or sculpture causes one individual to feel, won't necessarily make another feel the same."

"We spend our lives training to suppress our emotions," T'lenn reminded him. "And even though you are correct that Vulcans do possess emotions, the spectrum does seem to differ than that of humans," T'lenn protested.

"To ask me how a drawing makes me feel is contrary to Vulcan philosophy. You are asking me to do what I have spent my life learning to avoid."

Jason nodded as he listened. This was going to be harder than he thought. Suddenly, he remembered something that N'vok had told him once. Looking back over at T'lenn, he asked, his tone respectful, "May I ask you a personal question?"

"You may ask," she responded, giving no promises of an answer.

Dipping his head respectfully, Jason then asked, "Have you achieved Kolinar?"

"I have not decided whether or not to undergo the ritual," T'lenn responded truthfully.

A perplexed look crossed Jason's face briefly. "Forgive me, hearing you speak the way you did about emotions, I presumed that you had gone through with the ceremony." He paused briefly, then asked a follow-up question. "If I may ask, what is keeping you from making the decision?"

"The decision is not one that is before me at this time," T'lenn responded simply. "When I elected to join Starfleet, I committed myself to Starfleet. I did not see a benefit to undergoing the ritual before joining. Logically, it seemed as though I might 'fit in' better had I not," T'lenn explained. "Once the ritual has begun, it is unpredictable how long it will take to complete, but for many it does take years. As such I am unlikely to consider Kolinahr until I have retired, or otherwise ended my career with Starfleet."

Jason nodded again as he listened. When T'lenn finished speaking, he responded. "So, logically speaking, there is a chance that, between now and when you choose to undertake the trial, you could have an opportunity to experience your own emotions?"

T'lenn almost gave away a bemused expression. "I never claimed to not experience emotions. I just do not deliberately invoke them."

Arching his right eyebrow, Jason suddenly chuckled. "Well now, in that case, when was the last time you felt a surge of emotion?"

"Daily meditations are meant to prevent any surges in emotion. I cannot say that I recall," T'lenn responded. "And if I did, it would most likely be a personal matter that I would be conscientious about sharing.

Jason was quiet for a few beats, then asked gently. "And when I kissed you like I did? I noticed the blush of your cheeks. May I ask what you felt at that moment?"

T'lenn contemplated the nature of his question before answering. "Perhaps it is best if we call it an evening. Shall we reconvene for your next lesson on Thursday? The same time," T'lenn asked as she began to stand up.

Realizing that he wasn't going to get an answer, Jason respected T'lenn enough not to press for an answer. He stood as well, removing the page that he had drawn her image from the sketchbook. He handed the drawing over to T'lenn. "Keep it. And I will see you on Thursday. Unless, of course, if we see each other before then." He dipped his head respectfully towards her.

T'lenn seemed momentarily surprised as he handed her the drawing. She took it graciously and looked him in the eyes when she thanked him for the gift. "Thank you. I shall plan to see you Thursday." T'lenn walked to the door to make her exit.

Jason didn't stop her movements, though he silently he hoped she would choose to stay, if only to discuss the kiss. In his mind, it had been a good one, even if it had bee a surprise. However, he would respect her wishes on the subject. If she chose to never mention it again, then he wouldn't either.

"Have a good evening, Jason," T'lenn stated before stepping into the hallway.

Jason replied respectfully, "You as well, T'lenn." He then watched as she left his cabin. After the doors closed he sighed with regret, knowing he had behaved badly earlier. He just hoped that he was mature enough to keep any possible displays of affection to himself, unless and until she indicated she was open to them.

~OFF~

===Translation===
Tor uzh katravahsu heh uzh veshtau = To new friends and new experiences

Lieutenant J.G. T'lenn
Science Officer
USS Astrea

Lieutenant (jg) Jason Williams III
Starfighter Squadron Commander (Interim)
USS Astrea

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