Meditation Lesson 2

Posted on Sat Mar 30th, 2024 @ 1:18am by Lieutenant JG T'lenn & Lieutenant JG Jason Williams III

1,822 words; about a 9 minute read

Mission: The Menagerie: side stories & mischief making
Location: Holodeck 3
Timeline: MD 5, 1700 hours

T'lenn replicated a Vulcan temple for their next lesson. Since Jason had indicated he was distracted by the stars, she determined that an indoor setting may be a more suitable location.

She would not openly admit getting enjoyment out of a holodeck program, but appreciated the replicated the brightness of the sun and the heat that it emitted.

At the agreed-upon time. The doors to the holodeck opened again, and Jason stepped inside. Once the doors slid shut and vanished behind him, he immediately started to feel the simulated heat that T'lenn had programmed. Remembering how sensitive Vulcan noses were, he hoped he didn't start to offend her when he would soon start to sweat.

Moving forward into the temple, he looked around, admiring the simulated architecture all around him. While he had never visited Vulcan proper, he had seen enough holoversions, that he thought he might be able to appreciate the real thing if he ever did step upon hee red sands.

"Good evening, Jason," T'lenn said in greeting. She was wearing the same tan pants from the other night, but had chosen a lightweight linen shirt for this setting. "Has there been anything on your mind that might be disruptive to your meditation lesson should it not be addressed?" She asked.

Hearing T'lenn's lovely voice to his left, Jason smiled softly as he turned to face her. "Good evening, T'lenn," he dipped his head respectfully in greeting. "I hope your day was pleasant." He then responded to her question. "No, I don't believe so. I am ready for tonight's lesson."

T'lenn outstretched her arm, gesturing that he should enter the temple. "How have you been sleeping?" She asked.

Stepping up alongside T'lenn, Jason nodded and gave her a small grin. "Better, thank you. Though our last session was interrupted, I did find some peace from it. I'm hopeful that, with continued lessons, I will free my mind of the nightmares completely."

The inside of the temple was reminiscient of older architecture, though the tan floors were polished smooth, and the high ceilings kept immaculately clean, almost to a shine. There were no alters, only pillars that were displayed in perfect symmetry within the large entry room. T'lenn paused to let Jason take in the scenery before directing him to one of the smaller, more dimly lit rooms for private meditation.

Once the doors were shut behind them, candles were the only light source inside the room, though several were lit, making it easy enough to see once one's eyes had adjusted. There was just one pillow placed before a table with a vulcan meditation lamp.

T'lenn turned to face Jason. "Before we begin, I'd like you to recall the most recent nightmare that has disrupted your sleep. Again, the purpose of this exercise is that to learn to suppress or move beyond that which plagues us, we must summon it a safe place, and then practice overcoming it."

Though they were the only two people in the holodeck, as soon as T'lenn led him into the smaller, dimly-lit room, Jason felt more aware that they were alone. "There's only one pillow," he commented quietly, not wanting to be disrespectful of the space. "Are we both not sitting during this exercise?"

T'lenn suppressed a smile. "You are letting yourself become distracted," she scolded gently. "Have a seat, and focus on the meditation lamp," she instructed.

Blushing slightly, Jason did as instructed. Sitting down on the pillow, he crossed his legs and rested his hands on his knees. He then focused his attention on the lamp positioned in front of him.

T'lenn stood a few meters behind him and to the left. "The nightmares that still plaque you. What are they about?"

"One of the biggest ones deals with when I lost my eyes. My real eyes, I mean." He continued to stare at the lamp as he spoke.

"Does your nightmare mirror what actually happened, or does your memory embellish while you are sleeping?" T'lenn asked. She leaned a bit for his answer, though it was doubtful he would perceive her movements from where she was standing.

Jason took a beat to think about his answer, as his brain kept shifting vision settings on his eyes. Currently, he was looking at the simulated lamp via the infrared spectrum. "A little of both, actually."

"Talk about your last vivid nightmare that you can remember. What did you first perceive?" T'lenn prompted.

Jason was quiet again, as he composed his answer. "I think...the first part I can remember...is the pain. My eyes were on fire!"

"You experience pain in your dreams?" T'lenn asked. She was not a medical or a psyciatric officer, but this did not seem like a normal sensation one should experience in a dream - at least not for humans.

Nodding as he continued to stare at the meditation lamp. "Sometimes I do. Not often, but when I do, I always wake up with a start."

T'lenn took several steps closer. While meditation could help with pain management, it was a more difficult process, especially if the pain manifested itself randomly.

"Do you experience this pain in waking hours as well?" she asked.

"Sometimes," Jason replied honestly. "The docs all call it phantom nerve pain. They said that it might go away one day."

T'lenn closed the gap between them and lowered to her knees. "If your dreams are triggered by pain, then the pain will have to be addressed. This can be difficult if you do not know when the pain will manifest itself. Have you noticed a pattern?" She asked.

Jason was quiet for a few beats. He then replied, "Usually, when my implants have been overstimulated. I tend to start getting headaches, then the nightmares follow."

"Have you spoken with your treating physicians about what overstimulates your ocular implants?" T'lenn asked. While meditation, and other Vulcan methods of mind over body techniques could be employed to assist, Jason was also in the position of having medical technology implanted into his body. It was logical to ensure that proper medical solutions had been explored.

He nodded slowly. "They keep telling me that I just need to take it easy, rest as much as possible, meditate, and live as calm a life as I can. But, how do I do that and live the life I was born to live?"

T'lenn stood up and stepped in front of Jason to turn off the lamp. "As calm as you can," she repeated. T'lenn walked around so that she was now standing approximately 2.5 meters behind Jason.

"Take a deep breath," T'lenn instructed. "There is great potential within your mind to take control over how you process the stimuli around you at any given moment," T'lenn reminded him. "When we were last here you discussed fear of failure, for example. You are in control over how much power you give to your emotions, including fear. Once you learn to take control of your emotions, it may follow that your ability to control how you take in visual stimuli as well."

Though she stood behind him and could not read his facial expressions, T'lenn studied Jason's body language as she spoke, and waited for his response.

He did as instructed, breathing deeply and slowly. After seeing T'lenn so close, he had started to get excited. However, now he was trying to follow her instruction, and calmed his mind. Oddly enough, what calmed him, was a mental image of her face. He thought she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen after all.

"We are going to replace your fear of failure with logic," she stated firmly. "Fear that you will fail only distracts you from what you should be focusing on. It is an emotion that does not assist in your decision making abilities. It hampers the speed at which you can make a decision where quick judgment is needed. Do you agree?" She asked, waiting for his answer.

He nodded his head as he replied. "I do. That certainly does make sense. Although, in humans, fear is a very powerful emotion. It's more ingrained in our DNA than any other emotion. So much so, that it has a term describing it. Flight or fight response. It's what kept our species alive since we first started walking upright."

"The "flight or fight" response in humans is an instinctual reaction to increased levels of adrenaline and cortisol causing your neurological system to overload. The response is not unique to humans. You can, with training increase the threshold before which this response is triggered," she informed him. "By controlling irrational fears, letting go of things you cannot control, you will free your mind to engage in more productive decision making processes."

T'lenn paused for a moment before adding. "Isn't it a human saying, 'The only thing to fear, is fear itself.'"

Jason was silent for a beat, then grinned slightly. "You're absolutely right, T," he replied, giving her a nickname without even realizing it. "There are humans that have trained their minds such that they almost feel no fear at all." Then he frowned. "But in doing so, don't we also run the risk of losing other emotions, like happiness...or love?"

"Did Lieutenant N'vok seem unhappy or unable to love?" T'lenn pressed. "A Vulcan's bond with one's partner is said to be one of the most intimate connections of relationships. Do you hesitate to control your fear, because you believe you might lose something else in the process?"

"I...I don't know,' he replied honestly. "You see, when I'm in my cockpit, I am certain of myself and my abilities. It's when I'm on my feet that my worries start to come forward."

T'lenn walked forward and took a seat cross-legged one and a half meters behind Jason and began breathing deeply, knowing he was likely to subconsciously mimic her. "Put yourself in that position. You are on your feet. You are worried. Why? What are you doing?"

Closing his eyes, Jason started to slow his breathing, as he tried to clear his mind and reply to her question. "When I'm not flying, I feel like I'm not doing everything I can to keep my friends and those important to me, safe from harm."

"Take us to a specific place. Something recent," T'shir directed him. "A time when your fear started to become too much."

As Jason continued to breath slowly, he started to detect hints of a soft flowery fragrance. Whatever it was, he was finding it quite pleasing. "It was right after N'vok was killed. I was walking around the ship, and suddenly had a panic attack."

"What were you supposed to be doing when the panic attack came on," T'lenn asked. "Focus on the task. Not the fear."

He nodded again, then quieted down as he focused on clearing his mind.


>> To Part 2, Lesson Abandoned >>

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